Last friday I found myself thinking about friendship. That friendship can be very delicate. It's something we have to nurture and care for if we want it to go beyond the superficial. I was also thinking about the fact that I can be selfish. Sometimes instead of thinking things through I can react emotionally and have moments of insecurity.
Insecurity is not an easy thing for me to write about, because in certain areas I used to be incredibly insecure. As I've begun to understand God's love for me and really embrace it I haven't struggled with it nearly as much. In all honesty I'd prefer to pretend it didn't exist in my life at all. But denying that it's ever there won't help me in those "moments of weakness".
Insecurity can be very deceiving. At first glance it appears to be all about other people because it causes us to worry about other people. Worry about what they think, what they want, whether or not they think we said or did the right thing. But when we take a closer look we see can that's really not the case at all.
The thing I've noticed is that when I allow insecurities to colour the way I see things, I'm actually allowing it to become all about me. Seeing through insecurity-coloured lenses I tend to over analyze things. I'm more likely to have my feelings hurt by something someone says or feel the need to defend myself when sharing ideas. I'm more likely to misinterpret someone else's motives or misread their body language. When I do that aren't I just really skirting the real issue and passing blame? Without regard for the other persons feelings aren't I blaming them for the fact that I don't feel good about myself? Without truly considering the implications aren't I really blaming their words, actions, body language or motives - when in reality they have absolutely no control over how I feel about myself?
When you consider the risk involved by allowing yourself to be motivated by insecurity the danger is huge! It jeopardizes relationships and leads to hurts and misunderstanding, when all we want in the first place is to be loved and accepted. We've all been hurt, we've all felt the sting of rejection, but we'd be foolish to allow that to stop us from getting close to people. When we put oursleves out there we are taking a risk and we could get hurt. But if you never take the risk you're hurt is not just a possibility it's a guarantee.
In these moments is when I choose to rememeber that life is bigger than catering to my own personal needs and wants. I choose to remember that I can't sit back and waiting for things to happen for me, I have to take a step towards building the relationships I want. I choose to remember that God's love is bigger than me, bigger than my insecurities. As I turn my eyes away from my own hurts and fears, away from my own flaws and inadequacies and towards his unfailing love things begin to fall into place. For me this has been one of life's most rewarding journey's.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Thursday, 25 November 2010
The Common Bond
I'm a full-time stay at home mom. Sort of. But that's not really what this blog is about. That's another blog for another time.
If you've read any of my previous entries you may have noticed I don't seem to shy away from heavy subjects. It might surprise you to know how many things I hesitate to write about. When I write I want to write with understanding and compassion. I want anyone who reads my blog (even those who disagree) to feel safe listening to what I have to say. What I don't want is for them to walk away feeling assaulted or condemned. If I feel myself wanting to write with some sort of an agenda - to vent or prove a point - instead of just sharing from the heart I try and rein it in.
Being a stay at home mom is one of those topics for me. A couple of times I've wanted to dive into some of the issues involved with being a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom, but it can be hard. And there is sacrifice involved. Same goes for the working mom - on both counts. So this is where I find my self putting it off and putting it off. I think of all the beautiful, amazing and committed mother's who work outside the home while also raising their family and I just can't do it. My concern has been that by exploring some of the issues I deal with in my life in writing someone may misinterpret my intentions. Being a mom is a big responsibility whether you have 1 child or 5, whether you stay at home or work. So before I delve into some of things I face being a (sort of) stay at home mom, I want to explore the things we mothers - all of us - have in common.
1) We all share a mother's heart. It's what makes us tick. We have the same long term goals in mind: To raise our children in a safe, loving and secure environment. To establish healthy boundaries for them so they know how to operate in a world that's full of other people. To raise our children to be healthy, responsible adults one day who make wise choices and go out into the world and make a positive impact, whether big or small. We want the best for our children, and we know that the long term benefits are more important than short term satisfaction, even though it sometimes breaks our hearts to try and teach them.
2) We've all wrestled with the choice. We had our first (maybe only) child and then wrestled with whether or not to go back to work or stay home - even if there may have been little choice. It may have been hard but in the end we've done what we sincerely believe is best for ourselves - and most importantly - our families.
3) We all need to feel validation. We want to be respected and appreciated as women. We want to be known for being intelligent and hard working, because we are. We may not be perfect and we may have different styles of doing things but we don't want to be looked down on. We want to be recognized as valid, contributing and essential by our families, co-workers and friends. We want people to know that what we do matters - we matter!
4) We all have to work at finding balance. We're busy and we have a lot on our plates. So we struggle sometimes to find time for our children, spouses, our families and our friends. We need to take care of ourselves in order to be able to give the way we need to. It can be hard to find time for ourselves.
5) We all have a desire to be appreciated and understood. We long to be understood by our peers and our families. We want to be valued as an individual and respected as women who are also loving mothers. We want people to see past our role as mom and get to know an appreciate us for who we really are. We long to have a voice.
6) We all have to work at remaining consistent. Discipling your childrencan be is hard work. Thinking through different approaches to things that arise (especially as they keep getting older) and choosing what's best is a big job. But being consistent in our approach can sometimes be even harder. You're at a friends house, you're out in public, you're sick, you're running late; there are plenty of opportunities to take the easy way out. But no matter what, we have to be intentional in our parenting and do what's right no matter how we're feeling.
7) We all have questions and concerns. Lots of them! It begins when we’re expecting and I’m pretty sure it's safe to assume it never really ends. What car seat is best? When do we start them on baby food? How do I get them to sleep through the night? How can I possibly keep my house clean? Is it really time to start school already? What if someone’s mean to them? When’s their next shot? What about "the talk"?
Last of all I think we all need support. We need to have other women to talk to and relate with. We need to know that we're not the only person who thinks and feels like we do. We need to have the freedom to express our side of things in a loving, open-minded and understanding manner. We need the freedom to connect, listen and share without feeling insecure and defensive.
We need to remember the common bond.
If you've read any of my previous entries you may have noticed I don't seem to shy away from heavy subjects. It might surprise you to know how many things I hesitate to write about. When I write I want to write with understanding and compassion. I want anyone who reads my blog (even those who disagree) to feel safe listening to what I have to say. What I don't want is for them to walk away feeling assaulted or condemned. If I feel myself wanting to write with some sort of an agenda - to vent or prove a point - instead of just sharing from the heart I try and rein it in.
Being a stay at home mom is one of those topics for me. A couple of times I've wanted to dive into some of the issues involved with being a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom, but it can be hard. And there is sacrifice involved. Same goes for the working mom - on both counts. So this is where I find my self putting it off and putting it off. I think of all the beautiful, amazing and committed mother's who work outside the home while also raising their family and I just can't do it. My concern has been that by exploring some of the issues I deal with in my life in writing someone may misinterpret my intentions. Being a mom is a big responsibility whether you have 1 child or 5, whether you stay at home or work. So before I delve into some of things I face being a (sort of) stay at home mom, I want to explore the things we mothers - all of us - have in common.
1) We all share a mother's heart. It's what makes us tick. We have the same long term goals in mind: To raise our children in a safe, loving and secure environment. To establish healthy boundaries for them so they know how to operate in a world that's full of other people. To raise our children to be healthy, responsible adults one day who make wise choices and go out into the world and make a positive impact, whether big or small. We want the best for our children, and we know that the long term benefits are more important than short term satisfaction, even though it sometimes breaks our hearts to try and teach them.
2) We've all wrestled with the choice. We had our first (maybe only) child and then wrestled with whether or not to go back to work or stay home - even if there may have been little choice. It may have been hard but in the end we've done what we sincerely believe is best for ourselves - and most importantly - our families.
3) We all need to feel validation. We want to be respected and appreciated as women. We want to be known for being intelligent and hard working, because we are. We may not be perfect and we may have different styles of doing things but we don't want to be looked down on. We want to be recognized as valid, contributing and essential by our families, co-workers and friends. We want people to know that what we do matters - we matter!
4) We all have to work at finding balance. We're busy and we have a lot on our plates. So we struggle sometimes to find time for our children, spouses, our families and our friends. We need to take care of ourselves in order to be able to give the way we need to. It can be hard to find time for ourselves.
5) We all have a desire to be appreciated and understood. We long to be understood by our peers and our families. We want to be valued as an individual and respected as women who are also loving mothers. We want people to see past our role as mom and get to know an appreciate us for who we really are. We long to have a voice.
6) We all have to work at remaining consistent. Discipling your children
7) We all have questions and concerns. Lots of them! It begins when we’re expecting and I’m pretty sure it's safe to assume it never really ends. What car seat is best? When do we start them on baby food? How do I get them to sleep through the night? How can I possibly keep my house clean? Is it really time to start school already? What if someone’s mean to them? When’s their next shot? What about "the talk"?
Last of all I think we all need support. We need to have other women to talk to and relate with. We need to know that we're not the only person who thinks and feels like we do. We need to have the freedom to express our side of things in a loving, open-minded and understanding manner. We need the freedom to connect, listen and share without feeling insecure and defensive.
We need to remember the common bond.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Food for Thought
I've just started reading this book. It's called "crazy love: overwhelmed by a relentless God" by Francis Chan. Jason and I are reading it together (he's further along then I am) and while reading the first chapter there were a few parts he stopped to read out loud to me. Pretty thought provoking stuff. Now I'm reading the first chapter and I feel the need to share part of it with all of you. (Big surprise, right?)
Here it is, I hope you like it is much as I do!
"We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You've probably heard the expression 'I believe in God, just not organized religion.' I don't think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change to 'I can't deny what the church does, but I don't believe in your God.' At least then they'd address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scape goat."
Special thanks to "brother Tim" for the buying the book for us as a gift. We value your recommendations! :)
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