Are You on a Diet?

I am not a creature of habit.

One kind of odd way this reveals itself is the lack of consistency I have when it comes to breakfast. The only thing that remains consistent is that I always have it. This past week I've been eating a piece of whole grain toast with a smear of peanut butter and a tea. Last week it was a bowl of cherries and a tea every day. I'm the polar opposite of Jason when it comes to breakfast who eats cold cereal every morning without fail. ;)

This morning when I went to put my piece of bread in the toaster, I discovered we were out of bread. I did something a mother should never do in front of her child and complained out loud. "Shoot! We have no bread!", I muttered. S looked at me curoiusly and I tried to rectify the situation by responding "I was hoping to have some toast this morning." Another no-no! Making an excuse for the afore mentioned complaint! Strike two.

Anyways, S responded with a teasing look and the question, "What? Are you on a diet?" Not many people could get away with asking such a question. Fortunately for her, she can! (I'm pretty sure she didn't fully understand what she was saying anyways. Or the implications that went along with it.) While I was impressed with her comedic timing, I was still shocked to hear her say it.

This has been one one those topics I have dreaded and at the same time been preparing myself for (and been praying about) probably from the time S was learning to walk. Here's why: I don't believe in diets. I don't think they're healthy and they never end well. I believe in healthy eating, an active lifestyle and being self-disciplined. It's important for me to set a good example for my children and I also want to know my body is in the best shape it can be in. At the same time I've struggled to live this out in my own life.

How do I reconcile these things?

I've done my best not to complain about my body or my weight in front of my children, but I want to do more. I want to live what I believe. So, I decided back in December that I was going to take this year to form new eating and exercise habits. Something I've learned in the past (sadly from personal experience) is that being extreme (for example by cutting out certain food groups) only leaves me feeling frustrated. I can only hold out for so long and then I find myself giving up entirely only to gain the weight back that I lost and then some. Besides that, every change I make this year I need to continue doing for the rest of my life in order to keep the weight off, so every change I make needs to be made with that thought in mind.

So when I started off the year my plan was (and has remained) quite simple. I would focus on whole foods with real ingredients and increase my fruits and vegetables. I would practice portion control, especially with snacks and desserts and I wouldn't cut out any one type of food. I would make exercise a regular part of my everyday life. And the hardest part for me: if I have a bad day and eat too many chips (or cookies, or cake - you get the picture!) that I wouldn't give in to the temptation that inevitably comes when it happens: 1) to give up entirely 2) to think I need to cut out everything but fruits, veggies, brown rice and grilled chicken from my diet. (I'm exaggerating on this last one...a little!) And all of this - like I said - for the rest of my life.

As much as I want feel better about the way I look - I want freedom. I want the freedom of going to dinner with friends and family and being able to relax and enjoy my time with them, without stressing out about what they're serving me. I want the freedom to enjoy dessert or a few chips when I'm watching a movie or at a barbecue without having it "throw me off" by over indulging. I want the freedom that comes from living a consistently healthy lifestyle. (And the energy that comes along with it!) I want the freedom of being self-motivated and self-disciplined.

With the lifetyle changes I've made this year I've only lost 20 pounds in the amount of time I had hoped to lose 30, but I think I'm closer to this kind of freedom than I've ever been before in my life. I've learned a lot about what works for me, what motivates me and what trips me up along the way.

This morning even though I was shocked to hear my girl using a certain "four letter word", it turned out to be a great opportunity to have a conversation I knew I would one day have with her. I explained that there are two different ways of using the word. One simply refers to the food a person eats, the other is different. We talked about how having a healthy diet is important but going on a diet is not healthy. I explained that sometimes if someone has never been taught they may need to work hard at making changes and that it's important to keep exercising as an adult so you don't lose your muscles and feel tired all the time (I don't like the word fat, and I didn't want to get into a discussion about BMI's with my 8 year old). I shared with her some of the things (exercising regularly and changing eating habits) I've been doing to make my body stronger and healthier, and that it will take time and practice.

From the very beginning my concern was that my actions line up with my words. It seems incredible to me that at the point when I had the "diet" conversation I've been dreading for over 7 years, is right when God has brought me to a place where I'm just beginning to experience this kind of freedom in my life.

His mercies really are new every day!